Have you ever felt that when you’re striving toward a goal, it feels like something is holding you back?
It might be something you can’t see or grasp clearly, but you feel it slowing you down – like you just can’t get traction.
Most of us have experienced this to some extent.
Maybe it feels like we hit a wall with how much income we earn, or we find a pattern in our relationships that limits our sense of closeness, or we feel there’s some obstacle in our work that we can’t seem to overcome.
It can feel like there is a threshold that we can’t seem to cross, no matter how hard we try. We struggle to improve, but it’s as though something is working against us – like a gravitational pull that keeps drawing us back within a certain range.
Oftentimes this is the effect of a rotten belief.
As children, we absorb an incredible amount of information and understanding from our environment – parents, teachers, the culture of our neighborhood, our town and the events of the world. This includes certain beliefs.
Unlike the beliefs we consciously explore, evaluate and adopt as adults, we often don’t question these earlier beliefs as children.
So they remain active unless we can bring them into our adult consciousness and reevaluate them. As adults, not only are they often out of our conscious awareness, but on some level they’re part of who we are.
Hopefully, many of the beliefs we absorb are good and useful, helping us to flourish and grow into a healthy and happy life. But it’s also likely that we take in some beliefs that limit us, keeping us from excelling in certain ways.
Let’s get more specific…
Our Beliefs and Money
Financially, one common belief is that money is somehow bad. Having money – or too much money – can be considered the root of all evil.
Imagine having a belief like that as part of our internal sense of who we are. Then when we start to earn a living or go beyond a certain income, the part of us holding that old belief might push back.
After all, we all want to be a good people, right?
So that part of us – often our inner child – outside of our conscious awareness works to make sure we don’t make too much money.
Yet, we need to make money to live – and usually more money than we think. So, while we are consciously working like crazy to make more money, another part of us is holding us back. Not because some dark, mysterious force is “sabotaging” us, but because there’s a part of us that’s genuinely, benevolently trying to help us avoid evil.
But what’s needed is not to somehow purge a “bad” part of ourselves. What’s needed is curiosity.
Finding the Right Balance
The key here is to see the pattern of the struggle and wonder about the kind of belief that could be fueling it.
This is something to be done in a spirit of exploration and compassion, suspending any judgment or self-criticism about what’s wrong with us, and simply observing what we do.
Once we’re able to bring the belief into consciousness, the next step is to consider if the belief is congruent with your deepest, consciously held values?
If not, then remember that we’re dealing with a young part of ourselves doing what they think is good. So, with kindness and gratitude, thank that part of you that’s been holding to that belief all these years for trying to help… but then let it go.
This is where we re-negotiate that old belief.
Let’s practice…
If some part of you thinks money is evil, let that part know that working to earn and grow money is not bad. Yes, people may obtain money in nefarious ways – but money itself isn’t good or bad.
Instead let’s earn more money – but do it in a way that works with our consciously held values.
Benevolence and compassion toward ourselves are essential here.
We don’t want to get into an internal fight between different parts of ourselves. That only creates a dynamic of shame that weakens us. When we have internal conflicts or contradictions, it’s generally a matter of needing to bring consciousness to these – and updating the beliefs that we rely on to function in our lives.
Sometimes an old belief like this becomes immediately obvious, and it’s easy to transform it into a more functional one.
Other times it can be more challenging or hidden. Then it can make a big difference to have some help with it (which is part of what my coaching practice is about).
Either way, understanding how powerful our beliefs are – for better or worse – can help to make sense of both our struggles and our triumphs.
[Editor’s Note: Joel currently has some openings available for life coaching. Go here to sign up for a free 30-minute initial conversation.]