- As the coronavirus stay-at-home orders continue, many of us are finding ourselves with a lot more free time on our hands.
- Today, Mark Ford shares some tips to make sure you use your time wisely to create a rich life.
Please note, this article originally appeared in Manward Digest.
I used to be a strong opponent of television. But my wife and I recently started watching it together more often. (I blame Netflix and its addictive archive!)
Just a little bit here and there, but enough to get me thinking about the way people spend their recreational time – and make me wonder if the kinds of activities we engage in during our downtime really make a difference.
I’ve also pointed out that the more time you spend working, the more successful you’re likely to be – but acknowledged that even the most ambitious and hardest workers need to take at least a few hours out of the day to do something that gives them pleasure. Something that isn’t work.
The question then becomes “What should that ‘something’ be?”
Just about any activity we choose to do can fit into one of three categories. It can…
- Damage us in some way
- Improve us somehow
- Leave us more or less the same.
Think of the best choices, the ones that improve you, as Golden. Think of the neutral choices, the ones that just help you pass the time, as Vaporous. And think of the worst choices, the ones that hurt you, as Acidic.
It’s up to you how much Gold, Vapor and Acid you are going to have in your life.
When I think of my own choices – good, bad and neutral – I notice that they have the following characteristics…
My best experiences tend to be with activities that are intellectually challenging and emotionally engaging. Because they demand a lot from me, I shy away from them when I’m low in energy. But when I do get into them, they build my energy and, thus, make it easier to continue. When I’m finished with such an activity, I feel good about myself and content with how I’ve spent my time.
These activities are easy to slip into and easier, too, to stay involved with. They are the choices we make when we don’t feel like making choices. The time we spend when we don’t care much about how we spend our time. Welcome to the Vapor Zone – the neutral, happy world of poker, sitcoms and gossip.
When I’m ready for some relaxation, my first impulse is always to choose a Vaporous activity. Having “worked hard all day,” I want something simple and mindless so I can gear down. And most people would probably say the same thing. Getting into the Vapor Zone is easy – and staying there is easier still.
The big problem with Vaporous activities (and this is a very big problem for me) is that they leave me feeling enervated – and empty – instead of energized. Vaporous activities do for me what Vaporous foods (i.e., comfort foods) do: They fill me up, but tire me out.
Everybody has vices. And while I haven’t had all of them, I’ve done plenty of things to destroy, reduce or disable myself.
Why I do these things I can only guess. Sometimes I think I need the challenge of surviving self-imposed obstacles. Whatever my reasons, the result of making those choices is generally the same.
I get a dull pleasure that’s mixed with a barely discernible level of pain. Even when the pleasure is intense, it’s clouded by a foggy brain. It feels like I’m having a great time… but I’m not sure. But if the actual experience of Acidic activities is mixed, the feeling afterward is not at all ambivalent. It’s bad.
The interesting thing about Acidic options is how attractive they can be. Nobody would argue that they’re good choices. We pick them because we’re too weak to pick anything else, and we use what little mind we have left to rationalize our self-destruction.
A Closer Look at These Three Categories
When we’re at our best – confident and full of energy – we can easily choose Golden activities over all the rest. When we’re feeling just okay, we can usually reject Acidic choices… but find it hard to opt for Golden moments over Vaporous ones. And when we’re at our worst – low in energy and full of doubt – is when we’re most susceptible to making Acidic choices.
Golden activities include…
- Watching an educational and inspiring documentary
- Listening to complex, uplifting music
- Appreciating art
- Watching a really, really good movie
- Reading a very good book
- Making love
- Tasting a really good wine.
Vaporous activities include…
- Getting a massage
- Going to a sporting event
- Watching most “entertaining” TV shows – like The Big Bang Theory, Downton Abbey, The Late Show, etc.
- Reading “beach” novels and page-turners
- Listening to mood music, including most rock ‘n’ roll
- Having sex
- Drinking beer or whiskey.
Acidic activities include…
- Getting drunk
- Listening to bad pop or rap music
- Watching stupid/degrading TV shows – like The Jerry Springer Show, Cops and The Bachelor
- Doing things you’d be ashamed to talk about.
You may not agree with some of these designations. Not to worry. You can (and should) make your own list. But in creating that list, consider the following:
When Choosing Gold…
The activity/experience is intellectually challenging. It teaches you something worth knowing or develops a skill worth having.
It’s emotionally deepening. It helps you understand something you hadn’t understood before and/or makes you sympathetic to experiences and/or situations you were closed to.
It’s energizing. The experience itself charges you spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. You have greater strength and more endurance because of it.
It leaves you happy with your choice. During the experience and afterward, you have a strong sense that you’re doing the right thing.
It builds confidence. Because you know that you’re improving yourself, choosing Gold makes you feel better able to make wise choices in the future.
When Choosing Vapor…
The activity/experience is intellectually and emotionally easy. It feels comfortable and comfortably enjoyable. You’ve done it before, and it amused you. So you’re sure that if you do it again, you’ll be equally amused.
It’s usually passive rather than active. It’s watching TV rather than going to a stage play. It’s getting a massage rather than practicing yoga. It’s chugging a brewski rather than savoring a good wine.
It tends to be habit-forming. Because it feels good (in a medium-energy sort of way) and is so easy to do, you find yourself doing it over and over again.
Doing too much of it is not good for you. Whether it’s eating starch and fat or sitting on the couch and staring at the TV screen, a little bit doesn’t hurt. But too much leaves you with the unpleasant feeling that you’ve wasted your time.
When Choosing Acid…
The activity/experience is physically or mentally damaging. Often, it kills brain cells. Sometimes, it gives you cancer.
Although it’s bad for you, it’s alluring. There’s something about the way the experience takes you out of yourself that you find attractive.
It attracts bad company. Since most healthy people don’t approve of it, you find yourself doing it with another set of friends. Eventually, you reject the friends and family members who “don’t get it.” They’re too straitlaced or lame to understand, so you figure you don’t need them in your life.
It disables you intellectually, emotionally and physically. During the moment, you’re less capable of performing complex skills or dealing with complex emotional or intellectual issues. If you engage in Acidic activities often, you become less capable of peak performance, generally.
Acidic experiences have ever-extending thresholds. What excites in the beginning is never enough to excite later on. You have the mistaken notion that more is always better.
Will This Make a Change in the Choices You Make?
Once you’ve drawn up your own list of Golden, Vaporous and Acidic activities, use it to keep track of the way you’re choosing to spend your time. (A good way to do that is to make notes in your journal.)
You may be surprised – and disappointed – by what you discover. Make your own list. Track your own life. Ask yourself what you could become if, starting right now, you’d begin making better choices.