Worrying is a troublesome activity.
And we can often find ourselves practicing this ancient ritual at the least opportune times…
Like getting ready for an important presentation, trying to convince our boss of something we want or need, or dealing with any complex or high-pressure situation.
The outcomes for these scenarios may be out of our hands. But we at least have an element of control, which gives us the best chance at a positive outcome.
We can prepare diligently for our presentation. We can ask for what we want as clearly and respectfully as possible.
The thing is, we also tend to worry about the things we can’t control.
Money is often at the top of the list. We can’t control how our investments will perform. We also can’t control politics, the Federal Reserve or future events.
Now, ideally we would spend all our time focusing on only those things that we can control, and none of our time worrying about the things we can’t control. But anyone with investments, dreams for the future or children knows that’s just not possible.
So let’s look instead at how we can worry more effectively.
Take Control of Your Worries
We tend to have what we can and can’t control mixed together in our minds. It can help to separate the two.
A simple but effective way to do this is to write them down. On some paper, draw a vertical line down the middle of the page, making two columns. Choose an issue or a facet of your life that is troubling you.
In one column, write down all the things regarding that issue that you can’t control. In the other column write down the things regarding that issue that you can control.
Then take a good look at the column of things you can’t control and acknowledge that, by definition, there’s really nothing you can do here. Accept the truth of that as deeply as you can and bring most, if not all, of your attention to the other column.
Focus on the column of things you can control. Glean from that list tangible actions you can take that will help your situation. Be as specific as possible, identifying as many actions as you can. Make sure each of them is doable – preferably in small enough chunks that you can imagine yourself accomplishing each one in a sitting.
Then choose something to do each day.
Now you have the beginning of positive momentum toward genuinely tackling what’s troubling you.
The beauty of this is that now when you find yourself worrying about this, you can remind yourself that you already have an action plan sorted out. You can look at your list in the morning and take deliberate action.
Now, here’s the truly essential part: Make sure that you’re taking those actions.
Ignoring your action plan will cause stress (and rotten sleep as well).
Of course, even with a solid plan, we’re still going to worry. It’s a human thing. We can minimize it considerably with the above practice, among other things; but we will never completely let go of some of what we can’t control.
What can we do about that? Set aside time each day to worry deliberately. Choose a time later in the day to worry on purpose, for 15 minutes.
When those 15 minutes are up, you move on to something else. Your worrying time is done for the day.
Practice this diligently. Over time, this will train your system to worry at the time you choose, instead of in the middle of the night.
The end result will be more serenity, less stress and more effectiveness.
[Editor’s note: Joel currently has some openings available for life coaching. Go here to sign up for a free 30-minute initial conversation now.]